Dating a Pampered Princess

Name: MC_Hurricane | Location: New York , New York |Question: Alright, here's the deal: me and my girlfriend moved in together into my apartment about a month and a half ago.  When we first met, she told me that she likes to be taken care of, which I can only assume means she's used to her SO paying the bills and things like that.  I'm thinking "red flag" but it's only one of very few, and I have mine, so I tell her that right now I can't take of her like that, at least not yet, and she says it's not important to her. It's been about six months, she loves me, but ever since she moved in, I noticed just how lazy and selfish she can be.  She doesn't like to help clean up anything, she doesn't cook, she doesn't do anything.  It's not like I'm saying she should be a housewife, but I work everyday from 7 am to 11 pm at two jobs, and her work hours are only 5-6 a day.  Whenever I ask her to do anything minor, like put clothes in the laundry bag or put a glass in the sink (anything requiring her to move), she rolls her eyes like she's annoyed.  I don't want to think that I have to wait on her like a maid hand and foot, and I've told her several times I need her to help me at least keep the place clean, but she hasn't done a thing.  I'm at the point that I'm ready the break up with her over it because I don't want to take care of a goldigger.  Am I asking too much for help around the apartment or is it worth breaking up with her over this? |Age: 28

YOUR THOUGHTS?

Comments

[Kale Rae]

Um...she is sounding pretty childish and selfish to me. Just don't do shit for her. You're not her father or her mother - she's a grown woman and should be able to take care of herself. IF she doesn't start pulling her weight - then show her the door - . It's not rocket science. Her behaviour is a clear indicator of how your relationship will continue to be if you don't put your foot down. I say end it now before you get too invested.

[Mira]

I cannot stand lazy people!

"Am I asking too much for help around the apartment"
Not at all! Especially if you don't owe it to her in the "hard work" department.

"is it worth breaking up with her over this?"
Yes, worth every penny and even heartbreak!
If she is lazy now, think about the feared "change" after she bagged you permanently (like in a marriage).
So why lock yourself into something you are already miserable about? Break it off!
She IS just too lazy to really love you!
Love takes a lot of hard work, like making money and getting that job promotion you want.

You don't want to be miserable the rest of your life serving her like you are her page!

[WHAT]

Come on! This is pretty cut and dry. Clearly, she's making a statement that she wants to live a life of leisure. And the fact that she knows you can't afford that right now and still behaving this way is an indicator of her as a person. You said it was one of her very few red flags. Well, this sounds like one of those flags they lay down at the superbowl.

I just find it surprising that you didn't notice this behavior in any other way while you were dating her. These things are rarely so compartmentalized. My guess is, something else distracted you from it. Was it the sex? Is she mind-numbingly hot?

Figure out what YOU really want. Or try to find a happy medium. What do your friends think of her?

[hb]

She must be HOT! Well, you know what to do, when you are tired of the sex and/or being used.

Also, this depends on what you want more....a hot girl who doesn't want to/refuses to be in an equal relationship? Or an equal relationship with a hot girl or not....it doesn't sound like this relationship is working out for you anymore.

Maybe you should try talking to her about this and how you feel that she is not helping out enough. If you give her an ultimatum, I wonder if she will move out? Or will her behavior improve?

[Rock]

Did you guys talk at all about your expectations before moving in? Move the bitch out or move out yourself!

[LondonGirl]

If she's this lazy now... she certainly isn't going to get better. Seriously. Dump her. Or have very stern words.

Unless she is cracking in bed and you're happy to put up with that. But I'm guessing if you have two jobs, there isn't much time for that either.

[Angela]

First of all - big mistake moving in with her after only 4.5 months... I've done it before and it didn't turn out well. Second of all - do you really think she loves you? If she does she would not be so lazy and especially selfish. People who love each other try to help each other, not make their lives worse.

Seriously... you guys are barely into your relationship and she's showing you exactly what you can expect from her for the duration of it. We don't know the details about why you would think her moving in with you was a good idea, but at the very least you should get her to move out. Chances are she will then find another guy to leech off of and you will realize that a girl like that is only going to take advantage of you. Lesson learned.

[amen]

Talk to her and if she doesn't contribute her share in the relationship then out she goes. I had an ex like that she wanted to be taken care of, lots of emotional issues there. A relationship is between 2 people not by yourself.

There are women who want to do as little as possible while getting as much as possible from you, leave now. They want something for nothing. Leave now.

Working so many hours and doing this and that for her isn't going to make your relationship better. She'll cheat on you and say that it's because you were working too much and neglecting her. People like that are too selfish, forget them.

[Scotty Q]

A lazy fuck is not going to be a very good fuck at all.
She probably just lay there for you to do all the work; can she also knit while you do her?

She should be shown the door man ASAP! Will you be able to introduce her as that lazy person to you own parents as a potential mate but be sure to stress on lazy? If not, it is time to get her out of your home. I'll always choose to protect my money and assets over a lazy fuck any time of the day! Money will never be unfaithful or emotional, never lazy, never gets sick, never gets too old for interest and the more antique it is the more valuable it becomes. Besides, money always looks good. Isn't it true that you get higher chances scoring free sex than free money?
Save your money and concentrate on your career, there's always another chick!

[Crotch Rocket]

A relationship is who people giving, not one person giving and the other taking. This girl is mooching off you, and if she has the balls to do it this early, it's going to get a _lot_ worse. Be glad you see it now when you can easily dump her, rather than after you're married and she'd take you to the cleaners. Kick her ass out. (And talk to your landlord and possibly a lawyer to make sure you do it legally). The thing is, she told you exactly what was coming and you were too stupid (or too clouded with lust) to listen. Learn from it.

[Scout]

If you are going to dump her do it before legality is on her side. Someone from New York told me that if a person is living with you for more than a year they have established renter's rights, which means it won't be so easy to get rid of her.

I am not a lawyer, but ask one if you intend to keep her around - for whatever ridiculous reasons.

She told you before she moved in what she's about so I don't really feel empathy for you. If you keep her around, you will deserve all of the bullshit that will undoubtedly ensue.

Snap out of your sex-induced haze or whatever fucking spell she's got you under, get your balls out of storage, put them back on, and dump the little fucker already...

[Jura]

This is why I do not look forward to moving in with a guy in a less than committed relationship. I would clean after myself, no doubt about that, maybe I would cook for him and iron his stuff for very special occasions only, but that's it. No common furniture or equipment purchases, no services other than that pleasurable to myself. It would not signal or say anything about how I would be in a committed relationship (marriage that is, where balance is somewhere completely elsewhere).

Your working 7-11 is your choice and does not make you entitled to being serviced by your roommate. Yes right, she is not your wife, just a roommate you happen to sleep with.

[lola]

If you're living together and she's not doing her fair share of the housework in an apt that you're sharing, I don't see why you put up with it. My bf works long hours sometimes and I try to help him keep his place clean even though we don't live together--he cooks for me and takes me out in exchange so I don't mind the domestic aspect. Relationships are supposed to be about give and take, this doesn't bode well for when you're married. Even when I'm visiting my parents for dinner or for the weekend, I help out and don't expect to be waited on hand and foot. Gosh, your gf is lazy! I wouldn't break up with her yet, but I would let her know that you are at the breaking point. Good advice from Crotch Rocket about legality.

[Steve H]

MC..

Clearly you're not satisfied by her behavior. Are you wanting to date a Grown Woman.. or a spoiled child?

Sounds like you have the latter.

So.. you can either be a bitch, and put up with it.

Or be a Man, take control of the situation & her, let her know you're unsatisfied, and if she doesn't shape up, she can ship out.

She's "technically" a grown woman. Tell her to act like it, or be done with her.

[Rosita]

Seems to me that you wanted her because you want to have sex every night and no to have to pay for dinner and staff You know why I have news for you everything comes with a PRICE!!!

[Scotty Q]

Rosita, you sounded like a prostitute for a price. From your above statements you seemed very third world, desperate for money from any willing man and very dependent. Most first world women I know are very educated, got good jobs and does not need to depend on a man for their livelihood.

[Rick]

10 to 20 pounds a year! Get her out the door, while she still can fit.

[Jasmin]

She told you she likes to be taken care of and you didn't believe her. Doubtful she is going to change. Are there other good reasons to stay with her? If you want it to work get a maid.

You never noticed she didn't clean where she lived before? Or did she come straight from her Dads house to you?

Speaking of which her rolling her eyes like that is as if she sees you as the "Dad" trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to.

Good luck.

[JDylan in Philly]

In a relationship - it takes two to tango! When she said, "I like to be taken care of" it's certainly is NOT literally taken things for granted. It doesn't matter, if she had her own place before she moved in or just moved from her Dad's, it is respecting other person and it is common-sense. Dude, just dump that lazy and eye ball rolling to the curb! Because, you're now in six months in to the relationship and just think what she will do in a year in to relationship - she'll probably tell you what to do? She will take, take, take until you go broke, and then she will brake up with you before you’ll know what hit you! She’s a gold-digger, and I can smell it mile away! Run MC, run MC… as far as you can. There are lots of fishes out there, if she is not willing to contribute on her end – it is not worth of aggravation to continue to be with her. GADZOOK!

Cheers, ;-)

[psychedelikat]

My bf's exwife is exactly like this. We've been together for quite some time and I have seen how she manipulates him still concerning his kids. She has a sugar mama friend who buys her everything, trips, football tickets, concert tickets, etc. She never buys her friend anything, claiming, "I'm so poor from my divorce, I have no money, my ex doesn't pay me enough, wah, wah, wah.." when he can barely afford his rent, car payment, credit card, utilities, etc., even with me living with him. She earns more money than he does, gets child support from him, yet she never seems to have money to buy the essentials for their kids. Hmmm.

In any event, do what my bf did. Cut the BS and dump her. She'll only get worse.

[Robert]

Hey:She did lay her cards on the table at the beginning.You can't change people.She evidentally has been a pampered spoiled girl her entire life and feels entitlement.If she "Loves" You, than she will make the changes that are required.Or,if she is not contributing to the costs of your apartment have her pay for a cleaning service.
Other than cleaning does she fulfill all the other needs in your relationship?If she were a gold digger she wouldn't be with you.There are too many rich guys out there who are more than happy to take care of Pampered Pusses!I know a woman who refuses to date anyone but rich guys.She is really a rent a whore as after 6-12 months she always gets dumped for another woman.She won't change either.
So Your decision is either to accept this girl for who she is,or show her the door.Not wanting to clean is something women put up with all their lives with men.So look at what you have and see whether it is more shallow that you will admit or this is just someone who was honest with you from the start and now you're getting pissed off!