Do Men Expect Perfection? Do They Even Notice Flaws?

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Name: Lane  | Location: New York  , New York |Question: Scars, sex and dating-how do men feel about it? Been feeling a bit shy lately as  I have some quite noticeable scars (under the blouse) from an accident that won't be disappearing anytime soon, yet I do enjoy dating but have a fear of rejection which has kept me from dating a few men I'm interested in. I'm not looking for sympathy "just date, who cares" advice. I really do want to know what men think if they date a girl and discover the scars. Am I supposed to say something ahead of time? Seriously afraid of the rejection possibility and wondering what to do. |Age: 29

YOUR THOUGHTS?

Comments

[UESgal]

Lane, I can only give you input as I've been through it muself.

I've lost a substantial amount of weight, over 140 lbs and I've also had extensive Plastic Surgery, Lower Body Life, Arm Lift and Boob Reduction and Lift. I also, unfortunately, got into a very serious car accident less than 6 weeks after all my PS. So, my scars werent pretty. Its been 4 yrs since the surgeries and accident now and they are barely noticebale, but right after I have to admit, I was very leary of what men might say. Some said nothing, others asked and Ill have to admit it was about 50/50. I think when men are about to get sex they dont really notice it and if your laying around talking and getting to know one another after sex, it will probably come but as that was when it came up for the men with me. Ive only let a few in on it, and others NEVER.

I will say that in the 4 yrs since I had the surgery, I've had several bfs and a few liked the scars bc they made me unique. But, I think most didnt even notice or care.

Good luck.

[VJ]

I'd look on it as a minor hindrance if it's not impeding or obstructing bodily functioning. They'll resorb to a certain extent and will grow less dramatic over the years hopefully. But I'd not fear rejection from most guys. Most people understand these things. And in an age where about 1/2 of the people your age have tats and/or piercings, more people are fairly relaxed about the whole issue today.

This will not worry or slow down many guys. At all, most likely. A short comment by way of explanation is about all that's needed most of the time. Delivered as needed & necessary.

Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

[trouble]

One of the cool things about being old, like me, is that you begin to accept your body for what it is (if you're smart). I've had two kids, and while I was very lucky as far as stretch marks and other issues go (I don't have them), still, I will never look 22 and perfect again.

Here is what most women who are your age need to know: Most men are far less critical of us than we are. We spend a lot of time worrying about what they are going to think when they see us naked. Honey, when you get naked, the last thing he's going to be thinking about is any minor (and that's what a scar is) imperfection. Scars (and wrinkles, for that matter) are just a sign you've LIVED. No one gets to 30 or 40 without a couple.

[dermqueen]

If they do say something then they are not all that into you. That is what someone else told me cause I am all about beauty as far as acne,wrinkles, and skin care. I would constanly be like picking bumps saying they were to big to concentrate on anything else.Getting them to get Botox for thinking lines. Even with scars I would give creams to fade them asap. When they told me that I had to take a step back and ask myself is this person eye candy or someone I want to be with. I work in Cosmetic Dermatology to my defense.

[Craig]

I wouldn't worry about things like scars on your body. I can't speak for all men, but I'm betting most are like me and don't care. Some may not even notice unless you bring it up. Two years ago I dated a woman who had breast reduction surgery before I had met her. This resulted in two big scars running under each breast and two smaller scars running from the nipple to the bottom of the breast. She was very self-conscious about them the first time I saw them. But I reassured her that I could care less about the scars because I was too busy being happy to be looking at a nice pair of still pretty big titties. I made her laugh by saying that if anything, I was upset I missed out on the DDs she had reduced to Cs. So while I can't guarantee evey man won't mind like myself, what you have to ask yourself is do you really want the kind of guy who would mind? Everyone has flaws on their body somewhere. Anyone expecting perfection has been looking at too many airbrushed pictures in magazines.

[hb]

every woman has flaws. most men notice, but do not care if they like you enough. my bf just said last night that beauty is overrated. haha. geez. :) good luck on finding the right guy for you. :)

[Denver Dan]

Trouble nailed this one: "Most men are far less critical of us than we are."

Very, very true.