Sperm Donor

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-Brad

Having now watched this tragedy I want to respond.

What would be helpful is if Blaire got men to come on her board or blog and tell
women exactly how they would respond if an ex or a friend approached
them about this topic.  She wants to try and coach other women like her to cleanse their aura and will Mr. right into their lives? That's great. But this is a subject about which she clearly has ZERO
actual information. Hence why her "advice" is so simplistic. She merely regurgitates ideas that she reads/hears somewhere or sees on TV. Which is why she comes across so completely one-dimensional, naive and emotionally immature.  That's why she can never delve deep into a topic or effectively and clearly explain it. That's why she needs about 1,000 words to explain her theories and programs. Even she doesn't understand what it is she's trying to say.

Blaire needs to step outside that insulated pink world she lives in, shut off Lifetime and her reality TV shows and add a second or even a third dimension to her life by actually having one. It wouldn't hurt for her to take the male POV in to consideration or research the male POV when she expounds on these topics.

So let me ask you all.......would you ever consider approaching an ex or male friend to donate sperm? I'm not suggesting it's a bad idea. Plenty of women do it. But they also choose who to approach very carefully. What criteria would you need for a man to posses in order for him to be a viable candidate?

Guys, how would you react if a woman asked you to father her child? How would you feel if she asked you to donate sperm but said she didn't want/need for you to participate in the raising of said child?

There are so many more things to consider when considering this. It's not as simple as making a list.

YOUR THOUGHTS?
 

Comments

Warning depending on the state the donated sperm could lead you to pay child support. If you are going to donate your sperm always have a legal document indicating the responsibilities of such a arrangement.

Next thing you know it could become a game for girls to ask this to men they really want and like for sperm. What if she falls in love with him and he wouldn't want to be with her. She would take revenge by getting child support and other compensation.

[ShyGal]

I am 25 and am fairly certain I want children someday. Also, since I was raised mostly by my mother, when I imagine parenting, I tend to default to imagining a scenario where I am the sole parent. While I would love to meet someone and fall in love and get married and have kids, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that life may not go the way I want it to just because I want it to go that way.

I think if I were in my mid thirties and if the prospect of having a family the "normal way" were not looking so possible, I would consider other options - possibly adopting or at least fostering a child or even asking a close male friend to help me have a child myself. I would be open to either his being involved in the child's life or not - there would certainly need to be lots of discussion and probably a written agreement (about issues such as custody, whether either parent is allowed to move to a different location, child support, etc.) reached beforehand.

I have had this conversation with a few male friends my age, and at least as of right now they feel similarly - they would like to have children someday, and if the whole love/marriage thing doesn't work out, they would consider having a child with a close friend. If I get to the a point where I am considering asking a man to help me make a baby, I would probably go to one of these guys first, since I trust them and think they would probably be able to handle this sort of situation with a minimal amount of drama.

[Rock]

I don't think it's that cut and dry. You can't just ask a friend and expect things to be peachy. The last time i heard about a case like this, the guy wanted to parent and make decisions over the kids, but they had an agreement that he wouldn't pay. This is the end result: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,395642,00.html

[Brad]

That's a good one Rock. Here is one where the court ordered the sperm donor to pay once the lesbian couple broke up:
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/cityregion/s_506968.html

Gentlemen: you are insane if you agree to this.

There was a case in the Chicago courts where a couple had broken up but the woman asked the man to donate sperm with no obligation whatsoever financially or otherwise to be part of the child's life. This is an actual case from about two years ago. Well guess what, the guy donated his sperm, the woman had TWINS and guess what she went to court and decided indeed she did want child support and the courts so ruled that no matter what YOU CANNOT SIGN AWAY YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES AS A PARENT. The court always looks to the best interests of the child, in this case children, and it is always in the child's best interest to have a father's support as well as the Mother's. So this guy, who did a woman he once loved and then considered a good friend the biggest favor any guy can do, and now he will be paying child support for two children through college. So guys this is not a favor you want to do for anyone other than your trusted wife.

[JRM]

I think the better question is, why do you care about Blair?

[new attitude]

Not only women do this...I had one man date my womb instead of me because he wanted to have kids so badly and he was in his 40's...and another ex-boyfriend of mine has been hinting lately that we should "go half on a baby"...

Look...when it's time, it's time. We all have a limited amount of time on this earth in which to make things happen...and some folks have the ability to get very very creative in achieving their goals.

Why bring another baby into this world? It seems very selfish to me. The world is already overpopulated as it is and there are hundreds of thousands of unwanted babies out there. Plus the enviroment is being destroyed, new diseases are spreading, global warming is causing more destruction every year, terrorists have taken away our sense of safety, wars are being fought all over, countries like Pakistan have nuclear weapons and soon Iran will have them too.

People are so into themselves and bringing a little version of themselves into the world that they never think about the kind of world their kids will have to live and die in......

[Steve from the City Next Door]

I am pretty sure one of my ex's was feeling me out on donating sperm though never did ask. I certainly would not do it. As some have mentioned, I would be responsible for child support if the mother wanted it or even if the mother tried to get aid from the state.

[Crotch Rocket]

Check your local laws; some states explicitly exempt sperm donors from child support, e.g. mine says that a child conceived by "artificial insemination" legally does not have a father.

[Paul]

the operative word is "anonymous" donor. If you knowing elect to father a child, no contract in the world will exempt you from child support, and one writer was correct in that the court will ALWAYS favor the best interest of the child. And its very easy for a prospective mother to petition a court to get child support and even easier for a court to enforce it.
I always tell people NOT to buy real estate with anyone thats not their lawful spouse. This scenario of helping a 'friend' father a child is even crazier. Who would do this? Insanity!

[trouble]

Good GOD, what is this person thinking? When you have children with a person (whether they are just a sperm donor or a person you've had a longterm relationship with), you are FOREVER tied to that person, whether you want it or not.

There is a reason this person is an EX...because you didn't work out. Why would you want to tie your life to someone with whom you could not make it romantically?

[JET]

I agree with trouble. A guy who you can't make a relationship work with but can claim parental rights to your children can cause a lot of trouble for you and your children.

I completely disagree. I think it's fine and it's better than anonymous donor. In fact, I'm doing this now. I'm adopted and early 40s and I was engaged for a while to a guy come to find out he didn't want children after saying he did. Well, I will try naturally only (no internvention). If it happens fine, if not then it will be fine too. I would just like one person on earth to be blood related to (that I know). My ex has already had a sperm donor chile (anonymous) and it worked out fine (child at 18 met him). I think yes it can be bad with the child support, but as long as legal lines are clear it should be fine. I make a lot of money and my ex really doesn't, so I think it will be fine. I tried for kids in my 20s but only at 37 did I find out I had problems having kids. Now that problem is gone so if advanced maternal age doesn't prevent me from getting pregnant, I hope to have the chance to be a mom.