How do you take things slow when you feel so passionate about your date?
Or do you even have to? I met this guy on a camping trip about 6 weeks ago and he lives 3 hours away. Ever since we met he has come to visit me every weekend. Ever since the beginning I knew that I should be open and totally treat him like a friend, but as I get closer to him and we build our foundation, I feel like I want to make a move so we are not so far away from each other, but from previous experience, I find that I tend to rush things and I don't want to do that now because it never worked out well for me. This time I feel he may just be the one and I know that thought is mutual. So should I slow things down somehow? - Tania
Yes, you should slow things down. Only because you admitted yourself that you have a bad habit of moving too quickly and sabotaging relationships.
Making a physical move to be closer in proximity to this guy is a HUGE deal. For all you know, it's the distance that is making things seem so "right." On some level, maybe you and/or he feel as though you could lose the other person at anytime due to the distance and that's what has you two so ga ga.
There's no need to rush into anything. If it's right now, it'll be right in 6 months. Enjoy this time. Enjoy the anticipation. Enjoy the getting to know you stuff. It's what helps build a great foundation. Let him miss you, let yourself miss him. It will make you both more invested so that when and if you do make this move, the relationship will have a better chance of working out. You're hesitating because you know it's not the right thing to do. You know how we have that hesitation before we call a guy or send an e-mail or make a move we want to make? That's our instinct telling us not to. The fact that you're questioning this in the first place is all the evidence you need to know that you need to stay put for now.
YOUR THOUGHTS?
This is a timely one for me. Thanks....
Posted by: myself | July 08, 2009 at 07:12 PM
Wise advice, Moxie!
Posted by: laughoutloud | July 09, 2009 at 01:07 AM
What worked for us with a LTR was to talk about living closer to each other and to set a date to have the discussion. For me, committing indefinitely to a LTR without conceiving of an end in sight was daunting. We put the topic on the back burner for a while and enjoyed seeing each other every couple of weekends. Now we are living in the same city and recently married.
Posted by: Linzt | July 09, 2009 at 11:34 AM
There is no problem with taking things slow if he is the one then you will have the rest of your life to enjoy with him. And plus waiting is always the best part its like forplay!
Posted by: iiliana | July 09, 2009 at 11:47 AM
Moxie is dead right on this. I would also strongly suggest that, before any move is made, each of you should take staggered vacations and spend a week at each others home. That way, the event-sex element is removed and you have a better idea if you are, day in and day out, compatible. It still won't tell you everything, but it would give you insights that you might not otherwise have.
Posted by: DaveInReston | July 10, 2009 at 12:53 PM